We all have a little “Rihanna” in us… The Secular Single Woman

I woke up feeling a little “sexier” than usual and the first person to come to my mind is my single, yet promiscuous friend, Rihanna Fenty. Despite what changes has occurred with her image, her raunchy attitude… she still represents a side of women (and possibly men) people try to conceal. When Rihanna comes on at a party, on your iPod, in the comfort of your room…you cannot say your body or your mind does not take on the personality of the artist. Even if you do decide to say it does not, I am sure a speck of your amygdala introduces the sensation known as Rihanna to your psyche and you have a glimpse of what you like or dislike about her. Whether you like her or not, she is a seductive side of the single woman syndrome we all either aspire to remake or the one we all desire to do without. Rihanna represents what I would call “The Secular Single Woman”.

The Secular Single Woman is a woman that is extremely sexy and doesn’t try to hide her sexuality from others whether publicly or intimately. She has a fiery attitude and could care less what you all think. Her behaviors are questionable yet tolerable. The opinions formed about her have some truth in them but they can be a little misguided. This woman presents herself as an extroverted single woman who desires for love but has no problem searching for it with any and everyone who entices her. The life of the party, the woman who will get you into parties  and then take your dance floor virginity by grinding slowly on you to attract male suitors. This woman is not dangerous, but can potentially steal your man if you are not careful. She is a closeted narcissist…but only in public.

While this is not 100% truth, we all have a piece of that puzzle within our pursuit for relationships. We have all tried what has worked for others and The Secular Single Woman approach is sadly the norm of the millennial generation. If you do not believe me, check your Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook news feed in the evenings.

Luckily I do not find myself extremely sexy, but I do have traits similar to the secular woman in my previous pursuits of finding men. I figured if my friends could successfully find boyfriends and husbands by behaving sexually confident, why can’t I? Well, for one reason I am a plus size woman. That’s my biggest pitfall kdebutart_jacquie-boyd_6937nown to man. While I am extremely intelligent, I cannot for the life of me find a man who is comfortable with my size and yes, I have had to use my secular ways to entrap some during my undergrad years. It worked but it also made me feel really sleazy and sluttacious… I did not like the feeling afterwards and I definitely didn’t feel comfortable during the behaviors. Obviously…this did not work for me????


Me: So, what do you think about that?

You: YIKES, you kind of hit on some parts of myself I have tried to forget about. This is a great way to release those negative beings inside of your thoughts.

Me: Is this story a little too real for you?

You: It is only as real as you allow it to be… are you still “pouring it up..?”

Me: Heavens no, this was something I tried about 3 years ago when I was still an undergraduate student. I felt like the lowest of the low… I would cry every night ashamed of my behavior but I just wanted to feel loved and wanted by someone. Is that wrong?

You: It is wrong if it left you feeling as if you needed to cry it out in order to start the behavior over again. It was a horrible pattern that did not work for you. You needed to stop the crazy act… save it for someone else. That was not the road for you. The secular single woman role is not your future…

Me: What is my future then..?

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