The Single Drought… #MondayManStory Saga

I don’t know where I have been the last two weeks; but I can tell you I had an amazing vacation before the school year starts back. I decided to take a visit to Florida since it was on my bucket list to visit there with my sister Aliyah, who unfortunately passed away debutart_huntley-muir_20331from Oral Cancer last summer (read more about her here ).  When we were in undergrad at Columbia College in Columbia, South Carolina (GO KOALAS!), we have been planning and creating mental itineraries for a fun in the sun trip to Miami. If there is one thing single women hold true to is completing goals and past promises…why? Because we do not have men or partners to take up our time or derail us from completing our goals… meaning we have more time to party and to mingle with the other single and not-so-single crowd in the world. Going to Florida without Aliyah was hard, I can’t even tell you in a blog post how hard it was for me to go there without her, but one thing I can tell you is that her spirit was everyone you want to be like a visa card. When we were driving down to Orlando, we heard almost every song we have danced to in the clubs during our pre-teen years and pre-professional years plus some new joints I know she would have loved if she could have heard them. She was there regardless… I am Aliyah’s Keeper! 

Florida… good ole’ Florida… I received so much admiration and compliments while I visited Florida two weeks ago. Men, women, and children alike were in awe of my plus-size beauty and I felt like the Queen of England. However, when you are single and vacationing you are tempted to do things you may not do…but luckily I have great control. Let me tell you a story about a girl…

One humid night in Orlando, Florida, a young AND plump princess was walking back from the enchanted pool area where she frequented during the her week-long stay at a beautiful, luxurious 4.5 star resort by Walt Disney. She was sporting an elegant fuchsia colored bathing suit or a maxi dress (forgot), braids up in a bun showing off her gorgeous face, and wearing a towel to hide her milkshake from the boys in the yard… but she didn’t hide the milkshake from one boy. This boy was smitten with her so much, he came up to her room to hang out and get to know the young and plump princess. She couldn’t believe she could attract someone when so many beautiful slender princesses were around her… what does she do? What would she say? The young and plump princess was lost, so she decided to do what she would do for any person who she invites to her lovely 1 Bedroom Condo on the 12th floor… “Would you like a glass of water or anything to snack on?” The young and plump princess could see the young slender prince was even more smitten with her… he was staring at her so sheepishly she was beginning to blush. The young and plump princess did everything she could to make sure the young man was comfortable… even stayed far far away from him in Never, Never Land to make sure their lives would not “mix in war”. The young and plump princess finally got called to take a seat by the young and slender prince, so she did. He couldn’t stop staring at her and telling her she was beautiful. What more can you do… but smile. The young and plump princess was not use to receiving compliments from men… especially men over 600 miles away from where she lived.

Unfortunately, the young slender prince was intoxicated a bit and was focused on “mixing war” strategies more so than getting to know the young and plump princess. Being a woman of extreme resistance, she denied the young and slender prince of any secret treasures and he decided to pursue the young and plump princesses travel companion instead. The young and plump princess was hurt… she went into her bedroom and cried for her sister Aliyah. How she wished Princess Aliyah was around to tell her it was okay and that he was not with her for the right reasons and to hold her head up… but even though the young and plump princess knew Princess Aliyah would tell her this in her mind, she could not escape the fact that she felt defeated. The young and plump princess lost the war… even though she didn’t even try to be an opponent. So, she went and took a bath in the Jacuzzi tub with the ever so comforting jets for about 2 hours and cried some more. Her travel companion decided to have war stories with him on numerous battlefields in their living area and sent her a message that he came back… the young and plump princess said “Eff them both” and turned up her tunes.

The young slender prince who pursued the young and plump princess did not even say goodbye for he was smitten by the travel companion’s treasures… he forgot who invited him in and gave him some of her water and time. He didn’t even say…goodbye.

debutart_jacquie-boyd_6923Hopefully you are not crying tears or sobbing at the story you just heard, but this is what happened to your author in Orlando… the hell you may be wondering? Well I wondered it too! My friend had intercourse with a guy who was into me because I would not have sex with him… I forgave her but the damage is done. I obviously cannot bring men around her anymore. That was just odd. I told some friends of mine about it and while the women felt my pain, the men, stated it was my fault because I decided not to have sex with a stranger. Well, I’ll be a stuck-up tart for the rest of my days before I lay down with a man I just met… I do have standards I live by. I won’t knock any one else’s hustle or who they are for it has nothing to do with  me… but I will uphold how I am regardless if that leaves me single for the rest of my freaking life!

So onto Miami… best weekend ever. I forgot about the terrible time I had in Orlando and enjoyed the rest of my vacation. We met a guy, let’s call him Haitian Station, who worked at the resort we stayed in down in Miami. He was really nice and sweet… and similar to the young slender prince from Orlando, he was smitten with  me as well. Obviously, I am staying in the wrong state… Anyway, we went to a club down in Miami and I was the life of the party. I told myself after what happened in Orlando, I needed to have some fun. I do not drink, but that night all drinks were free until 12:30 and I decided to get wasted. I didn’t care I wanted to wash away the previous situation…. and it worked. The Haitian Station was still and still is smitten with me (we connected on Facebook) and being a Jamaican woman, we meshed very well physically (dancing wise that is). For a plump vixen, I knocked all of the skinnier females out the water because I literally danced for four hours straight… I had a great time.

I am going back to Miami in October… with some hesitation but I really enjoyed my time there. I am skipping the meeting today, but hopefully next time in a SHORTER post, the meeting will resume.

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SWA: #MondayManStory for Singles

After the horrible experience as a newbie at the Single Women Anonymous group, I had to revitalize my thoughts with some kind words from all over the world wide web. Did you read how “you” blatantly assured me my professionalism is what is keeping me away from a perfectly fine specimen similar to Prince? I couldn’t believe it myself, I almost felt as if I wanted to walk out of the meeting (only after I told her how I felt about their group and where they can dispose of it…)tumblr_mwpur7hkty1spjeeao1_500

Now that I am done speaking in third person about myself, I would like to thank you for the quick responses I have received on the lovely topic of being single in a brand new world. Just yesterday after I was making my mark on the lovely blogging scene, I went to Facebook and saw approximately 3-5 friends getting engaged and I just face-palmed… I can’t win for losing when I feel extremely confident and settled in my position as a single woman. Social Media is the devil for singles, but one thing I can say about my displeasure with myself…I find balance in others happiness. After I secretly took my heart out of my body and viewed it for flaws… my thoughts smiled and I liked their engagement event. What more could I have done anyway?

debutart_jacquie-boyd_9411Yesterday, I had a moment. I listened to Disclosure ft. Sam Smith’s “Latch” and I immediately thought of a 22 year old that tickles my fancy… I guess I can disclose our secret romance or whatever it is called so it would make more sense as to how a SINGLE person views intimacy…

I met him 4 years ago when the little lad was only 18 years old. When it comes to men, I am attracted to weirdos and men who secretly behave like serial killers for reasons I am sure you can imagine, if not let me tell you… their passion, their aggression, their crazy face. Granted there’s only 10% of the population like this which could really play into my chronic single woman disorder. Anyway, his sister is one of my best friends and I was spending the summer with them. Granted, this little tyke never spoke a word to me and when I spoke to him, he simply dismissed me and kept walking. I made it my challenge to make him want me by any means necessary… obviously I succeeded but let me continue.

(aside: as I write this the song played on my phone and oh the butterflies… oh the butterflies… back to the story, ahem)

One night we were outside in the summer heat dancing to music. He freakishly stood and watched me as if I were a siren seducing a traveler…which made my attraction stronger as I told you I like crazy faced men. So, I slowly and seductively sashayed towards him… and proceeded to dance on him very hookerishly. Just imagine sitting at a Beyonce concert or the infamous Janet Jackson concert where they danced on audience members… if you have never seen the video feel free to check it out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBJz0KhZPxQ (go in two minutes)… So, I was dancing on him to an old-school jam by Tony Tone Toni and ever since then he has always made it clear how much he wants me! Only lately, I believe he has entered into the deep feelings and like a normal single woman would react…I am sheepishly nervous about moving forward with it.

A few weeks ago we were laying in the living room spooning and Latch came on and when it was over, he reached over me and stated this was our song and he liked it. I felt so giddy… so, now every time I hear the song I think of him and then the moment is dismissed. Is this really how I will be once someone or once he pursues me further…

We now return to the meeting as it was previously scheduled…

Me: What do you think about that story group?

You: Pretty racy stuff you share, Me. I am not sure you know what you want from him…maybe you just enjoy the idea of someone liking you so much you do not want to end the liking with a relationship.

Me: Maybe you are right… it’s pretty scary to make it to this stage but not have the opposite sex want to go further. How can I go further?… What can I do to go further?

You: You can let it happen and if it fails, you await the next person.

Me: That’s incredibly…dumb as hell.

You: Or you can sit here and complain…you never know until you try.

Me: No, you never try until you know…