The Single Drought… #MondayManStory Saga

I don’t know where I have been the last two weeks; but I can tell you I had an amazing vacation before the school year starts back. I decided to take a visit to Florida since it was on my bucket list to visit there with my sister Aliyah, who unfortunately passed away debutart_huntley-muir_20331from Oral Cancer last summer (read more about her here ).  When we were in undergrad at Columbia College in Columbia, South Carolina (GO KOALAS!), we have been planning and creating mental itineraries for a fun in the sun trip to Miami. If there is one thing single women hold true to is completing goals and past promises…why? Because we do not have men or partners to take up our time or derail us from completing our goals… meaning we have more time to party and to mingle with the other single and not-so-single crowd in the world. Going to Florida without Aliyah was hard, I can’t even tell you in a blog post how hard it was for me to go there without her, but one thing I can tell you is that her spirit was everyone you want to be like a visa card. When we were driving down to Orlando, we heard almost every song we have danced to in the clubs during our pre-teen years and pre-professional years plus some new joints I know she would have loved if she could have heard them. She was there regardless… I am Aliyah’s Keeper! 

Florida… good ole’ Florida… I received so much admiration and compliments while I visited Florida two weeks ago. Men, women, and children alike were in awe of my plus-size beauty and I felt like the Queen of England. However, when you are single and vacationing you are tempted to do things you may not do…but luckily I have great control. Let me tell you a story about a girl…

One humid night in Orlando, Florida, a young AND plump princess was walking back from the enchanted pool area where she frequented during the her week-long stay at a beautiful, luxurious 4.5 star resort by Walt Disney. She was sporting an elegant fuchsia colored bathing suit or a maxi dress (forgot), braids up in a bun showing off her gorgeous face, and wearing a towel to hide her milkshake from the boys in the yard… but she didn’t hide the milkshake from one boy. This boy was smitten with her so much, he came up to her room to hang out and get to know the young and plump princess. She couldn’t believe she could attract someone when so many beautiful slender princesses were around her… what does she do? What would she say? The young and plump princess was lost, so she decided to do what she would do for any person who she invites to her lovely 1 Bedroom Condo on the 12th floor… “Would you like a glass of water or anything to snack on?” The young and plump princess could see the young slender prince was even more smitten with her… he was staring at her so sheepishly she was beginning to blush. The young and plump princess did everything she could to make sure the young man was comfortable… even stayed far far away from him in Never, Never Land to make sure their lives would not “mix in war”. The young and plump princess finally got called to take a seat by the young and slender prince, so she did. He couldn’t stop staring at her and telling her she was beautiful. What more can you do… but smile. The young and plump princess was not use to receiving compliments from men… especially men over 600 miles away from where she lived.

Unfortunately, the young slender prince was intoxicated a bit and was focused on “mixing war” strategies more so than getting to know the young and plump princess. Being a woman of extreme resistance, she denied the young and slender prince of any secret treasures and he decided to pursue the young and plump princesses travel companion instead. The young and plump princess was hurt… she went into her bedroom and cried for her sister Aliyah. How she wished Princess Aliyah was around to tell her it was okay and that he was not with her for the right reasons and to hold her head up… but even though the young and plump princess knew Princess Aliyah would tell her this in her mind, she could not escape the fact that she felt defeated. The young and plump princess lost the war… even though she didn’t even try to be an opponent. So, she went and took a bath in the Jacuzzi tub with the ever so comforting jets for about 2 hours and cried some more. Her travel companion decided to have war stories with him on numerous battlefields in their living area and sent her a message that he came back… the young and plump princess said “Eff them both” and turned up her tunes.

The young slender prince who pursued the young and plump princess did not even say goodbye for he was smitten by the travel companion’s treasures… he forgot who invited him in and gave him some of her water and time. He didn’t even say…goodbye.

debutart_jacquie-boyd_6923Hopefully you are not crying tears or sobbing at the story you just heard, but this is what happened to your author in Orlando… the hell you may be wondering? Well I wondered it too! My friend had intercourse with a guy who was into me because I would not have sex with him… I forgave her but the damage is done. I obviously cannot bring men around her anymore. That was just odd. I told some friends of mine about it and while the women felt my pain, the men, stated it was my fault because I decided not to have sex with a stranger. Well, I’ll be a stuck-up tart for the rest of my days before I lay down with a man I just met… I do have standards I live by. I won’t knock any one else’s hustle or who they are for it has nothing to do with  me… but I will uphold how I am regardless if that leaves me single for the rest of my freaking life!

So onto Miami… best weekend ever. I forgot about the terrible time I had in Orlando and enjoyed the rest of my vacation. We met a guy, let’s call him Haitian Station, who worked at the resort we stayed in down in Miami. He was really nice and sweet… and similar to the young slender prince from Orlando, he was smitten with  me as well. Obviously, I am staying in the wrong state… Anyway, we went to a club down in Miami and I was the life of the party. I told myself after what happened in Orlando, I needed to have some fun. I do not drink, but that night all drinks were free until 12:30 and I decided to get wasted. I didn’t care I wanted to wash away the previous situation…. and it worked. The Haitian Station was still and still is smitten with me (we connected on Facebook) and being a Jamaican woman, we meshed very well physically (dancing wise that is). For a plump vixen, I knocked all of the skinnier females out the water because I literally danced for four hours straight… I had a great time.

I am going back to Miami in October… with some hesitation but I really enjoyed my time there. I am skipping the meeting today, but hopefully next time in a SHORTER post, the meeting will resume.

We all have a little “Rihanna” in us… The Secular Single Woman

I woke up feeling a little “sexier” than usual and the first person to come to my mind is my single, yet promiscuous friend, Rihanna Fenty. Despite what changes has occurred with her image, her raunchy attitude… she still represents a side of women (and possibly men) people try to conceal. When Rihanna comes on at a party, on your iPod, in the comfort of your room…you cannot say your body or your mind does not take on the personality of the artist. Even if you do decide to say it does not, I am sure a speck of your amygdala introduces the sensation known as Rihanna to your psyche and you have a glimpse of what you like or dislike about her. Whether you like her or not, she is a seductive side of the single woman syndrome we all either aspire to remake or the one we all desire to do without. Rihanna represents what I would call “The Secular Single Woman”.

The Secular Single Woman is a woman that is extremely sexy and doesn’t try to hide her sexuality from others whether publicly or intimately. She has a fiery attitude and could care less what you all think. Her behaviors are questionable yet tolerable. The opinions formed about her have some truth in them but they can be a little misguided. This woman presents herself as an extroverted single woman who desires for love but has no problem searching for it with any and everyone who entices her. The life of the party, the woman who will get you into parties  and then take your dance floor virginity by grinding slowly on you to attract male suitors. This woman is not dangerous, but can potentially steal your man if you are not careful. She is a closeted narcissist…but only in public.

While this is not 100% truth, we all have a piece of that puzzle within our pursuit for relationships. We have all tried what has worked for others and The Secular Single Woman approach is sadly the norm of the millennial generation. If you do not believe me, check your Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook news feed in the evenings.

Luckily I do not find myself extremely sexy, but I do have traits similar to the secular woman in my previous pursuits of finding men. I figured if my friends could successfully find boyfriends and husbands by behaving sexually confident, why can’t I? Well, for one reason I am a plus size woman. That’s my biggest pitfall kdebutart_jacquie-boyd_6937nown to man. While I am extremely intelligent, I cannot for the life of me find a man who is comfortable with my size and yes, I have had to use my secular ways to entrap some during my undergrad years. It worked but it also made me feel really sleazy and sluttacious… I did not like the feeling afterwards and I definitely didn’t feel comfortable during the behaviors. Obviously…this did not work for me????


Me: So, what do you think about that?

You: YIKES, you kind of hit on some parts of myself I have tried to forget about. This is a great way to release those negative beings inside of your thoughts.

Me: Is this story a little too real for you?

You: It is only as real as you allow it to be… are you still “pouring it up..?”

Me: Heavens no, this was something I tried about 3 years ago when I was still an undergraduate student. I felt like the lowest of the low… I would cry every night ashamed of my behavior but I just wanted to feel loved and wanted by someone. Is that wrong?

You: It is wrong if it left you feeling as if you needed to cry it out in order to start the behavior over again. It was a horrible pattern that did not work for you. You needed to stop the crazy act… save it for someone else. That was not the road for you. The secular single woman role is not your future…

Me: What is my future then..?

SWA: Single Woman Anonymous First Meeting

If you are reading this post, you’ve probably been single all of your life (like me), close to being single (meaning you are on the verge of a bad break-up from your significant other), or have a desire to be single (but do not want to live the life of a single person, this world is quite cruel you know)… But I am here to tell you all is not lost. As you may be able to decipher at the moment, I am a 20-something year old single professional/unprofessional woman living in the southern parts of the United States. I guess it would be beneficial to introduce myself to you as I hide in shame…

The Single Woman Introduced

Me: Hello world…

You: Hello Me, what brings you here today?

Me: Well, you see I am a single woman on the verge of a meltdown. I have never been in a relationship before and not sure if I am even ready for one.

You: What do you mean by that? (excuse me, I am a social work graduate so reaching for more information or clarification is what I am known for! 🙂

Me: Well, I recently graduated from a prestigious graduate program in South Carolina and I always thought a family would come before my career…The First Wives Club told me so. I would go to an undergraduate program and find a husband…but I ended up going to an all-women’s private university and did not find any luck there??

You: Really, tell us more! You sound very exciting!

Me: So, then I decided to play the field a bit and attend a university known for graduating fine athletic men (and women, but they are not my type as I told you previous) only to enroll in a program that is predominately female and most of the men are either married, too old, or gay. Nothing wrong with that, but obviously they are not for me. So, I am here today to tell all of the secrets of what it feels like to be a single woman in the millennial world.

You: It seems like you are really on edge about your current status. What are some other things you would like to share with the group before we begin?

Me: Well, I don’t know what else to share… I have been through relationships but never been in a relationship. My previous potential mate decided to date other females while I was thinking we were on the verge of getting to know one another… then, I was beginning to fall for someone only to find out he did not like me at all or so I thought. You see, it is rough sometimes because someone may very well like me but I do not know what to do or how to reciprocate. Does this group help you…

You: Technically, you have been in relationships but it seems as if the men did not want a relationship from you, but wanted relations like most people your age want. You seem to live a very conservative lifestyle and that scares people away…but anyway, help you what?

Me: You know… learn how to reciprocate emotions to others when you are not sure how to do so? I think I really need assistance in that topic. Hold up a minute…scare people away?

You: Well, I am not sure what you will gain from your very open disclosure, but maybe your experience will be an inspiration to others who are currently single. Being single is not all that bad..

Me: But I am not sure how long I can cope with this…

Photo from debutart artist jaquie boyd